I’m rocking a porn star level of cleavage today, a fact which I only noticed upon catching a glimpse of my reflection in the elevator doors. Of course, a normal person would never have left the house in such a state, but as I happen to hate everything about the way I look, I tend not to spend more time than absolutely necessary in front of the bathroom mirror.
But I don’t really care about all the boobage; it’s far too hot for modesty. All together now: How hot is it? It’s so hot that I couldn’t figure out why I was sticking to all of the manhole covers on my walk home yesterday, until I realized that MY SOLES WERE MELTING FROM THE CONTACT.
There’s a metaphor in there for you kids.
*****
He stood up abruptly and pushed the barstool away as he turned toward me. With his right hand he reached for me, turned my face to meet his before his intentions even occurred to me as a possibility, my reflexes dulled to barely a shimmer from the icy liquor. And suddenly I couldn’t catch my breath – not because of the kiss – but from the contact of his palm against my cheek, the tips of his fingers in my hair.
It’s a searing memory, and as oppressive as it sometimes is, I’m glad to have it.
blah blah blah rerun.
ReplyDeleteit's too hot to write.
In my heart I know it is not this hot in Canada.
ReplyDeleteI'll take the rerun because 1) it mentions cleavage right away, and also 2) I can use this as an excuse to put off writing anything new.
ReplyDeleteIT IS SO FUCKING HOT.
ReplyDeleteI think I had inappropriate cleavage at the tea party yesterday, but IT WAS SO FUCKING HOT.
I overheard two nuns having the following conversation yesterday:
ReplyDeleteNun1: It is so motherf***ing hot right now.
Nun2: F***in' A.
When the heat causes nuns to curse openly and without shame, you know that hell is just around the corner.
What Vahid said.
ReplyDelete(Wow, I'm so lazy I won't even write my own comment.)
they issued a CODE RED today, which means that old people and children have to stay indoors. also those with respiratory and heart ailments. AND SINCE i qualify as all four, i'm staying right here inside.
ReplyDeleteIT'S TOO HOT.
I think I would need a boob job to have inappropriate cleavage, although my favorite hot-weather sundress comes close (my favorite for hot weather because it looks like a maternity dress, so there's a nice breeze). Let's all stay inside and drink something with lots of ice.
ReplyDeleteYay! I'm with mysterygirl! on this, both the cleavage and the drinking something with lots of ice.
ReplyDeleteright now my boobs are all but bared and i'm sipping a tall vodka soda with all the ice in my freezer.
ReplyDeleteDAMN YOU HEAT FOR MAKING ME DO THIS.
Y'know, it's funny how y'all are melting over there, seeing as how there's snow on the hill behind my house this morning. True story. I even took pictures which I shall post. WTF, it's June 10!?!
ReplyDeleteyou want to talk wtf - i just took a class on how to use the internet.
ReplyDeleteseriously, this is my life? wtf?
I'm going to an ice cream social this afternoon. That has nothing to do with anything, I just wanted to brag.
ReplyDeleteDid they get Al Gore to teach the class? ;)
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOD I HATE MY LIFE.
ReplyDeleteahem.
Al Gore hates your life more.
ReplyDeleteAlso, best post ever, rerun or not. Good things: cleavage, searing memories.
What? How can you talk about rocking the cleavage and not post photographic evidence? Or email me high-res photos.
ReplyDeleted'oh! sorry to disappoint. next time, i PROMISE.
ReplyDelete