Seriatim.

The rules, per my own interrogator:

1. Leave me a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I'll email you five questions of my choosing.
3. You update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. They will answer these questions. If they don't, you can legally hunt them down and destroy them by the method of your choosing.

1. You could've grown up to become a circus clown or a chef or a clown who knows how to make elegant and complicated sauces, and yet....how and why did you end up in The Law?

Oh, Sir, I love what faith you have in me. But truth be told there was nowhere for me to end up but in The Law. Did you know they let anyone be a lawyer these days? True story. The fact of the matter is that while I attempt and adequately accomplish just about anything, I am as ever merely adequate. And mere adequacy does not a fulfilling life make.

As my mother remarked several years ago, in hindsight she should have known all along that a lawyer I would be, because (and these are her words though I do not dispute them) when it comes right down to it I am a bitch. And bitches make the best lawyers. (They also get shit done I hear but this I do dispute. Whatever it is I get done remains a mystery to me.)

For the why, I practice environmental law. The answer is self-evident. (All trees are created equal, except the invasive species. Those should be ripped out by the roots and ostracized in front of friends and family.)

2. What Muppet character would you be and why?

Easy, peasy, one-two-threesy. I'd be Miss Piggy so I could bonk Kermit the Frog every night. Also she has fabulous shoes. (Though I think it might be fun to be the guy who throws the boomerang fish, if for no other reason than to freak the fuck out of people.)

3. What astounding lesser-known facts about you might cause people to whip their glasses off in a surprised and dramatic manner, even those who don't wear glasses?

I would like very much to take in foster children, though to do so I'd have to trade in my boyfriend for a different model. I do not in any way wish to have sexual relations with Ryan Adams. I've lost twelve pounds since November. Despite a lifetime of scoffing at the idea, I do in fact have a housekeeper. I drink a hell of a lot more than you think I do.

4. If you could wake up tomorrow with a different career in a different place, what and where would you be?

Both day and night I dream of different places, and in recent years I've grown smitten with the idea of living in Brussels. But then I went to Montreal which smote me too, and then I ate in Vancouver and wondered whether it would be possible to transport the restaurant scene east. And then I've spent several months at least reading up on Saskatchewan of all places, and did I mention that I'm going to London in two weeks? Because I am. Also I'd really like to see Mount Rushmore.

As for what I'd do in any of these places were I to suddenly relocate, honestly I have no idea. Pretty much my biggest talent is sitting around looking cute, so trophy wife is what I'd be I guess.

5. What do you wish I had asked you, but didn't, and how would you have answered?

I wish you would have asked me the real reason why I will not be attending TequilaCon, but since you didn't, you don't get to know.