Lachrymose.

What do you do when your One True Love up and marries someone else? If you're me you cry (I DID NOT!). If you're you, you do whatever it is you do. The bride, of course, has posted a particularly lovely photo of their wedding day on Facebook, but I prefer the one from their engagement announcement. And by "prefer," I mean, "it makes me want to stab these here pens into my eyeballs." I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm taking it rather hard.

Now that October is here and my One True Love has married someone else (but I'm prettier! and a better writer! and I have my own farm!) and 2009 is three-fourths done I am going on record to say that 2009 sucks. Perhaps not as much as oh-seven, but much nevertheless. I suppose we could have some drastic about-face with these last three months but I, for one, am not holding my breath, and I suggest you (don't) do likewise. Because then you would suffocate and then you would die and I happen to like you. Oh la, we've got a lot to learn from each other we have got to stick together.

So. Now we have three items up for business. (1) The position of my One True Love, having been very ceremoniously vacated, is now available. I will be accepting applications forthwith. (2) I am completely out of ideas. Period. A little help? (3) There isn't really a third item; I just like things in threes. So I'll make two predictions: (a) I will contract H1N1 before the year is out, and (b) my odds of picking up a bot fly larva or three in Belize are 50-50. It's a coin toss.